Distrust…
Distrust is a very scary thing. I am the type of person that trusts almost from the onset of any realtionship until any of those relationships give me reason not to trust. I give my heart and soul to these people and believe that they won’t hurt me in the long run. Once trust has been broken it takes a very long time if ever to believe in them again.
I also believe that if I feel I’m being lied to then my walls will go up and the suspicions start and I know that I am preparing my self for disappointment, shock and hurt. In doing this I shut myself off from that situation even further which may not be the most effective way to handle it. Maybe it is because I have been hurt in the past and I try to protect myself from it now. Maybe I’m not meeting the other persons expectations in some way or another and that gives them an open door to do or say deceitful things. Maybe it is all in my imagination and I’m making myself feel this way. Whatever the reason it makes me feel very sad, lonely and disconnected. I might be overdramatizing this but trusting people is one of the most important things in life to me and if I don’t have that then there is a whole lot missing from my life.