Mid-Life Crisis

I was reading an article today about mid-life crisis in men. I thought that it was interesting how throughout the entire article it kept saying that he will blame his partner or significant other for everything and yet he doesn’t know what he’s doing. It stated that he would hurt you by things he says or does and yet he still really doesn’t know what he’s doing. It mentioned the men being aware of their own mortality and feeling like they haven’t done everything they wanted to do on this earth yet. It usually happens between the ages of 40-60 (give or take a few years) and can last for years sometimes. It also said that you can’t push them for answers because they don’t have them. Again they don’t know what they are doing. They also may never return to the person they were before the whole mid life crisis thing started.

OK! Enough already. I understand that people can go through difficult times in their life and as a wife who has a husband that is going through this I have tried to be supportive. After reading this article it did a couple of things for me. First, it gave me a little bit more understanding as to what he may be experiencing. Second, it also made me mad because as his wife I feel like I have to stand back and let him have his time no matter how much what he’s going through is hurting me. Third, I didn’t like that it mentioned that it could still end up in a divorce no matter how much I try to understand.

Don’t push him to talk about it or change his way of thinking because that could just push him into the divorce-land state of mind. He may turn to other females for comfort or support because it is different and makes him feel in control of something. The article makes it sound as though this is acceptable. I disagree. When you are married and you have a commitment to someone and you are willing to support them through tough times, there is still a line that shouldn’t be crossed. I wouldn’t be am not OK with my husband turning to another female for comfort and support. NO matter what the article states.

It does say to back off and let him figure it out because it’s not about me even though he may blame me for some of the issues that he is going through. This whole thing doesn’t seem very fair to a partner who is trying to be supportive and caring.

In my opinion there wasn’t a lot of good news for the unsuspecting wife or partner of someone going through a mid life crisis and we just have to back off, keep our mouths shut and let him go through the emotions with no guarantee of a good outcome.

It said that now is the time you must develop yourself as an independent person. You must take responsibility for yourself and your happiness without depending on him for the closeness and intimacy that he probably is unable to give right now. Plan things without him. Depend upon yourself, not him.

I hope with all my heart that things end up as I would like them to but I know I can’t make it happen my way. Fate will decide what my life is suppose to be. But if the gods are up there listening and watching…can you please help make things right again? Pleeeeaaase.



This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 11th, 2007 at 8:11 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

5 Responses to “Mid-Life Crisis”

  1. Sean D. Martin Says:
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:10 am


    I have to wonder if the author of the article was male or female, and what their personal agenda was.

    As a man who is now “of a certain age” I have been realizing there are more likely fewer days ahead than behind. It does tend to make you look at your personal “Life’s To Do List” and notice what hasn’t yet been done. (Add in a completely unexpected and absolutely devastating sucker punch from the most traumatic time in your life and reflection on paths not taken is unavoidable.) If that prompts you to stop procrastinating on things, I don’t see the harm.

    I actually find part of the hesitation to start crossing things off the list comes from a slight concern that they (the infamous “they”) would think “Oh, he’s going thru a mid-life crisis.” Which is an admittedly stupid cycle to get into as it only leads to continuing to do less.

    Like many men, for example, my list includes “learn to ride a motorcycle”. Should I not do that because I’m now older? Seriously. If I’d learned at 20 it would be okay to be riding now, but not if I learn at 45?

    Now, if your particular list includes “Get divorced and find trophy wife” you’ve got more issues than feeling middle aged. But I really don’t see a problem with someone taking stock and making some changes to improve their satisfaction with their life. It’s far better (for the person’s spouse as well) than “quiet desperation”.


  2. kim Says:
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:44 pm


    I think that it’s perfectly acceptable to look at your life and make changes or do things that you don’t want to put off. It just doesn’t seem fair that the spouse has to suffer in the process of it all. I want to be able to support and be there for my husband as he’s going through changes not be rebuffed at every turn.


  3. Middleaged Max Says:
    October 9th, 2007 at 11:30 pm


    I think I read the same article, written by the female “owner” of a midelife crisis website. I took the same exceptions to it that you did. I don’t see that there is any justification in the statement that “we should not try to modify the behaviour” of those we care about, especially when that behaviour appears to be not only self-destructive but destructive to our relationship together.

    Attempting to improve the situation may not improve the situation, but I think it’s entirely appropriate that we make the attempt.

    In my case, I started reading up on midlife crisis after my wife, who I still love dearly, started to make some uncharacteristic changes - and it wasn’t that the changes were uncharacteristic that worried me as much as that they were in counter-productive and hurtful as well.

    But when the going gets tough, the tough don’t sulk in silence, the tough get going. Maybe we can fix things, and maybe we can’t. But it is surely worth making the attempt.


  4. Kim Says:
    October 13th, 2007 at 12:12 pm


    I’m sorry what you are going through. I know it can be very hurtful, frustrating, and sad sometimes.

    But like you said it’s worth making the attempt to fix things.

    Thanks for commenting on my blog.


  5. Idetrorce Says:
    December 15th, 2007 at 10:56 pm


    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce


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